We've Only Just Begun Read online

  Natalie gently took the hairbrush and started brushing Susan’s hair. “I think Mike is a kind and very handsome man. He’ll treat you right. You won’t have to worry about him mistreating you.”

  “He is a good man, and he shouldn’t tie himself to me. This is all happening because of greed. The banker, Mr. Benton, wants my family farm. He told me it was already his. That’s why I left and went to Independence. It’s a big mess, all for a piece of land.”

  “Hand me your hair pins. Mike told the rest of the wagon train you are marrying now because there is a chaplain. Some think it’s romantic and there are a few that think it’s too soon after Clancy’s death. So, let’s get your best dress on and have a wedding.” Natalie finished Susan’s hair.

  “You’re right. Let me get my dress. It’s probably a bit wrinkled. I don’t want to shame Mike if you already told the group.”

  “Susan are you almost ready?” Savanna called. “The chaplain is here.”

  Susan took a deep breath. “I’ll be right out.” She put on the dress and took a deep breath. “Natalie will you stand up with me?”

  Natalie smiled. “I’d be proud to be your Matron of honor. Let’s not leave your groom standing all by himself.”

  Susan nodded her gratitude. During her last marriage she’d been without a single friend. Her last marriage. It really was scandalous to marry so soon after Clancy’s death, and she’d be getting the look of the devil from some of the women. She wasn’t doing anything but trying to make it to Oregon and start a new life. Was that so bad?

  She climbed out of the wagon and smoothed out her good dress. It would have to do. Lily raced toward her with a bouquet of wildflowers in her hand.

  “These are for you on your special day!” Her eyes sparkled when she handed the ragged blossoms to Susan.

  Susan took the flowers and then leaned down and hugged Lily. “It is a special day, isn’t it? Let’s go and find Mike.” She tried to make her voice light and carefree but she failed. Her nerves began to get the better of her and she wanted to turn around and walk far into the woods. Life would be so simple if not for the interference of others. No person could be a complete hermit.

  The Todd brothers all stood in front of a short stocky young man she assumed was the chaplain. Smitty was there too, with his hair all slicked down. But Susan only had eyes for Mike. He stood head and shoulders above the rest. He was far too good for her. Everyone liked him, and he was kind and fair and knowledgeable. People respected him, and he was so very handsome. He turned and looked at her. His blue eyes were full of happiness, and she wished it was directed toward her but she knew better. His broad shoulders, strong jaw and full lips kept her rapt attention.

  It was a few moments before she became aware of the crowd waiting for her. Lily ran to where Natalie stood before the chaplain. This time Susan’s smile was real. She had a serene feeling inside of her that told her everything was going to be all right. Clarke approached her and offered his arm. Her eyes misted as she realized his intent in giving her away.

  “Ready?” he asked.

  “Yes.” She wasn’t aware of how long the walk was. All she saw was Mike standing there waiting for her. Her heart thumped increasingly faster with each step she and Clarke took. Was this really the right thing to do? She almost turned around. Mike didn’t deserve to be saddled with her but she couldn’t shame him by leaving him standing there.

  She couldn’t deny the romantic dream she had of Mike loving her someday. Such things led to heartache, and she tried to be practicable, but times like this her heart overruled her head. Certainly, she could allow herself to dream for a few hours?

  Clarke kissed her cheek and put her hand in Mike’s. An explosion of awareness rushed through her at Mike’s touch, and by the way his eyes flared she knew he’d felt it too. The chaplain seemed to go on and on and finally he announced them man and wife. Before she had a moment to think, Mike swooped down and kissed her.

  It was a kiss better than anything she ever could have imagined. His masculine lips softened against hers, and she swore she heard his heart cry out to hers. Being in his arms felt so right, so pleasurable. It was like a homecoming and her heart felt so full it might burst. When the kiss ended, she stared at him, dazed. Her knees were weak, and she held on to him for a minute.

  “Got your dancing shoes on?” Jed asked Mike when the first strains of a fiddle were played.

  “You know I don’t like to dance.” Mike glanced at her. “But of course I’ll dance at my wedding. Just as soon as I take care of business at the fort. Chaplain, I’ll walk you back.” He reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Save the first dance for me.” He dropped her hand, and she watched both him and the chaplain walk to the ferry. She swallowed hard, remembering the reason for the wedding.

  “Congratulations!” Savanna said giving her a hug. “You got yourself a wonderful husband.”

  “Thank you.” She scanned the crowd. Most looked to be happy for her but there was that same old group of women who acted as though she was no better than the mud on their shoes. It didn’t really matter. She sighed, wishing it didn’t matter. And maybe, for just a little while, it didn’t have to. Pulling her shoulders back, she stood straight and proud, and then she put a smile on her face. It was their wedding day, and no one outside her circle of friends needed to know the full story.

  “It’s so romantic!” Lily said as she twirled in a circle. “I’m going to marry Jed when I get older.”

  “He’s a good man,” Susan replied.

  “He’s the handsomest man I’ve ever seen, and he had peppermint candies in his pocket.”

  “Shh, don’t give away all my secrets,” Jed said as he handed Lily a piece of candy. “Welcome to the family.” He leaned down and kissed Susan on the cheek.

  “Yes, welcome,” Eli echoed. “Now, Mike pretends he doesn’t want to dance, but it’s his heart’s desire.” His eyes twinkled.

  “I’ll find out when he gets back. I have a feeling it’s a joke between you brothers.” Her smile almost faltered when she saw Bart staring at her intently. She’d hoped he’d decided to leave her alone. What was it he really wanted?

  “Congratulations, Mrs. Todd.” Susan turned and there was Nellie Walton standing with her hands over her stomach.

  “Thank you. I’m glad you were here.”

  “Where did Mike go? He practically ran away after the vows were said.”

  Susan stiffened. “He’s a gentleman. He escorted the Chaplain back to the Fort. His kindness and thoughtfulness is why I married him. He’ll be back in no time.” It was hard to keep her smile intact.

  “I’m sure he will.” Nellie hurried off toward the bunch of old hens that apparently sent her over to find out what she could.

  “Deep breaths, dear,” Savanna said. “They’re just jealous. Mike is a fine-looking man. I bet they all had their eye on him.”

  “What shall we do while we wait for Mike to come back. I can’t just stand here while everyone stares at me.”

  Savanna nodded. “We move Mike’s things into your wagon of course. Smitty is packing for him right now. All you have to do is supervise where he should put them. That should keep the biddies busy. Your real friends stand with you, Susan.”

  Susan took Savanna’s hand and squeezed it. “I know and it means everything to me. It’s a blessing to have real friends. People like you and Clarke aren’t easy to find.”

  “Come on before you make me cry. We’re happy to have you as part of our family.”

  Impatient wasn’t a strong enough word for what Mike was feeling. It was taking forever to get the papers all signed and witnessed. He needed to get back and put up a good united front with Susan. His heart warmed. Who was he kidding? He just wanted to be near her. She somehow made him want to be a better person.

  The air in Colonel Newton’s office was stuffy, and when their business was done, Mike shook the officer’s hand and hightailed it out of Fort Laramie. Usually he enjoyed stopp
ing at the fort but this time he wanted it far behind him. The lengths people went to in the name of greed never stopped astounding him.

  He rounded the wagon at the rear and there was Susan. Did she have any idea how lovely she was? Her inner beauty radiated and enhanced her outer loveliness. She never put on airs. She was genuine and sweet… His footsteps faltered. He gave himself a mental shake. No, stop! He couldn’t think that way. Bittersweet regret filled him. She was a once in a lifetime woman and he would have to let her go at the end of the trip.

  She glanced up, and her smile grew wide when their gazes collided. How was he going to resist her? Movement to her right drew his attention to his brothers. Eli said something and laughed, and Jed aimed a light punch at his shoulder. A lump formed in his throat. He’d decided long ago that his life would be spent protecting and teaching his brothers. His plans didn’t include a family of his own. It was a sacrifice he willingly made. He swallowed hard. Until now.

  Lengthening his stride, he was at her side in no time. “It’s all taken care of. You are no longer a wanted woman.”

  Her sigh of relief was loud. “Thank you. Smitty packed your things, and your brothers put them in my wagon. I know it’s not what you want.” She stared into his eyes, and he knew the answer she was looking for, but he just couldn’t.

  “It’ll be fine. As long as we have the illusion of a happy marriage, I think we’ll be fine. People will leave you be soon enough.”

  Her smile started to wither, but then she regained it. “Of course. We’ll play along for a while. Speaking of which, I do believe we have some dancing to do in a bit. Your brothers have assured me that dancing is your most favorite thing to do.” She laughed.

  “They told you that did they? Troublemakers the both of them.” He laughed with her. There was nothing wrong with being good friends.

  The first strains of fiddle music cut through the air as someone started playing, and in short order a banjo and a harmonica filled out the sound. Mike held out his hand to Susan. Her hand trembled a bit, and he gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. He led her into the middle of the circle the party made and he pulled her into his arms. He wanted to groan out loud at the rightness of having her there. She lit a fire inside him and he never wanted to let her go.

  As he looked out at the crowd, he saw more smiles than frowns. People were happy for them, and he hoped eventually the group of harpies would die off. The glare Bart threw his way gave him pause. He’d need to keep an eye on that man.

  Two by two, other dancers joined them. At the tap on his shoulder, he turned to discover a grinning Smitty cutting in on him. The big man took Susan with him around the dance floor. Mike hoped to escape, but he ended up dancing with just about every woman in camp. Eli and Jed had pointed and laughed at first, but now they appeared grim as they too danced.

  Finally, He got close enough to reclaim Susan. “Had enough?”

  “For now. I need some water. Dancing is thirsty work.”

  He led her to their wagon, filled the dipper with water, and offered it to her. She took it and drank. “Thank you. My toes hurt. Most of the men aren’t as fine a dancer as you are.”

  He couldn’t stop the smile tugging on his lips. “So you think I’m a fine dancer?”

  A becoming blush spread over her cheeks, and he was sorry he teased her. He needed to keep his distance, but instead he’d been getting closer than ever. Mike took the dipper from her and refilled it for himself. He really needed to pour the water on his head to cool himself down, but he drank it down. He sipped, placing his lips in the same spot she had, and his heart thudded heavily in his chest.

  “About the sleeping arrangements. It’ll look odd if I sleep under the wagon. I think I’ll take guard duty tonight. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

  She shook her head. “Mike, you most certainly will not be on guard duty on our wedding night. She put her hands on her hips. “We’ve waited a long time to be together, and now we can. You’ll sleep with me.”

  His eyes widened as she put her hands around his neck and pulled him down for a hug.

  “The Sugartons are watching us,” she whispered.

  He moved his head to look, but all he could focus on were her ripe red lips. Before he could stop himself, he was kissing her. He forgot they were being watched. Nothing mattered except for the feel of her lips under his. He cradled her cheeks in his hands when he pulled away to look at her.

  She broke off her gaze and stepped back. Her eyes were full of doubt, and he couldn’t blame her. He fought his feelings, but he didn’t want to mislead her.

  “They’re gone. I’ll stay on my side of the wagon. You’ll have no need to worry.”

  The flicker of light in her eyes dimmed. “That sounds like a fine idea. I’m going to say goodnight to a few people then I’ll get into bed. I have to warn you there isn’t a lot of room in the wagon, but I think we’ll manage.”

  He nodded and watched as she hurried off. There was nothing else he could do. Guard duty would have been a heck of a lot easier than spending the night with constant temptation. He’d best see to shutting down the camp. Maybe he could walk himself tired enough not to care.

  Stillness blanketed the camp when he returned to the wagon. After a few sidelong glances from some of the men in his care that told him they thought he was crazy for not starting his wedding night, he’d had little choice but to return. Silence came from the wagon. Hopefully, Susan had fallen asleep. He eased his way inside. She hadn’t been wrong about the space inside. Though she’d loaded her items neatly, he still had trouble maneuvering around them. She lay on her right side, facing the wood and canvas. She’d left an open spot behind her, but it was going to be tight. He eased his body down and found not an inch to spare. There was no help for it, he had to lie against her.

  Her warmth and softness seemed to melt against him. Her scent tantalized. Desire rose within him, and his throat went dry. It was going to be a long, long night.

  Chapter Nine

  Susan admired the view as she drove the wagon. Since leaving Fort Laramie, mountains had risen in the distance ahead. It seemed as though the plains were behind them. The rolling hills were lovely, and the mountains gave her much to ponder. Mike had announced that it would be more difficult from here on out, and by the look of the craggy landscape, she was certain his words rang true.

  Gazing toward the head of the wagon train, she caught sight of her handsome husband. They’d been married over a week now, and she’d spent many hours uncertain. How was she supposed to act toward him? He was contrary for a man. One minute he liked her smile, the next he didn’t. One minute he enjoyed her company, and then abruptly he’d get up and leave. He was a restless sleeper, and in the small space, his every toss disturbed her rest. She was becoming exhausted from a lack of sleep.

  She never complained, and she tried to keep a smile on her face, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. With every frown he sent in her direction, she felt as though she didn’t measure up to his idea of a wife. They really weren’t husband and wife, and it shouldn’t have mattered if he was pleased with her or not, but it did matter. It mattered a lot.

  The group of gossipy hens watched them constantly. It was disheartening. Natalie and Savanna told her to ignore them but for some reason she found that near impossible. Their stares of doubt and disapproval lingered in her heart no matter how much she told herself to pay no heed.

  The signal came for them to halt for the noon meal. She scrambled down off the wagon and began to tend to the oxen. Mike was immediately at her side.

  “How are you today?” he asked.

  “I’m fine. I’ll have food ready for you in no time. You know I can do this all myself. You have everyone else in the company to help too.”

  “I keep an eye on everyone.” He took her hand and turned her until she faced him. He reached out with his free hand and ran the pad of his thumb under her eye. “You look so tired. You need to rest.”

&nbs
p; She closed her eyes for a moment. His touch sent shivers down her spine. “I’m fine, really I am. You don’t need to worry about me. Besides you don’t get much sleep yourself.”

  She heard a gasp and quickly turned. Connie Ranger stared at her with wide eyes. “Some things shouldn’t be talked about.” She turned and hurried away.

  Mike’s laughter started as a small rumble in his chest before it became loud. He had an infectious type of laughter, and she soon joined in. Still holding her hand, he pulled her into an embrace. Their laughter quieted as they gazed at one another. Anticipation filled her as she waited for him to kiss her. He gave her a peck on the forehead and stepped away from her.

  It took everything she had to keep a smile on her face as she realized that was all she’d ever have from him. She’d known, but she’d hoped.

  Lily ran over, her eyes full of excitement. “Susan, the ladies are all talking about taking baths in the river tonight. Jed said we’d be pulling away from the river soon enough. It’ll be great fun!”

  Susan nodded. “Sounds like fun.”

  “Of course you’ll come with us won’t you?”

  “Yes, Lily, thank you for inviting me.”

  “I’m going to tell Savanna, bye.” She ran off in the direction of the Mott wagon.

  “Will we be moving away from the river?”

  “We sure will. In the next few days, we’ll stop an hour earlier than usual so clothes can be washed, barrels filled, and I know how you ladies like to be clean.” Mike sat down on a crate and took the biscuits with jam Susan offered him.

  “You know much about ladies do you?” she teased.

  He straightened and sat up nice and tall as he looked into her eyes. “Just you. I don’t need to know about anyone else.”

  Her heart pounded painfully against her chest. He obviously didn’t know how his words affected her. She took too much to heart but she couldn’t help it. “I’m complicated enough.”